the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
