How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
