I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
We got so high we made milksteak
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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