He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
