the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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