I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Who died my cat blue again?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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