you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
