my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
you had me at cake vodka
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
you never un-have a 4some
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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