in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
