i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
