I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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