for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
