I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just invented taco cereal.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
