I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
