can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
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I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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