Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
