Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
