I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just gargled with NyQuil
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
