How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
