tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
