can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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