the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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