dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
