Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
