Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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