All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
barbara walters just said penis...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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