one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
