And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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