Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
