True but thats because hes a fetus.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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