I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
