If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
