Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
