i would punch a child for taco bell
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Someone signed my nipple.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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