i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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