I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
