You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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