his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize