Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
