Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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