I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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