Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
