Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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