New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.