I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
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There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
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Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me