This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You took a bar mat shot.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
