Texts From Last Night

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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Yeah, where have you been?

  (407): View more from Florida

  Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.

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  (978): Yeah, where have you been? (407): Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus. http://tfl.nu/jpxm
  Replies (1) Good night (1199) Bad night (550)
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  (619): View more from California

  i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.

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  (619): i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus. http://tfl.nu/t4dv
  Replies (20) Good night (8156) Bad night (836)
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.

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  (806): Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day. http://tfl.nu/6xwz
  Replies (6) Good night (2500) Bad night (609)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  you're out of your mind

  (518): View more from New York

  you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear

  (518): View more from New York

  it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence

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  (518): you're out of your mind (518): you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear (518): it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence http://tfl.nu/wmaw
  Replies (11) Good night (784) Bad night (2187)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place

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  (843): Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place http://tfl.nu/sgjx
  Replies (30) Good night (12592) Bad night (1416)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.

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  (206): Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year. http://tfl.nu/dota
  Replies (4) Good night (2905) Bad night (918)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.

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  (310): Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever. http://tfl.nu/0wwj
  Replies (6) Good night (2427) Bad night (920)
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.

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  (417): I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life. http://tfl.nu/1dwn
  Replies (11) Good night (927) Bad night (1909)
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?

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  (902): it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be? http://tfl.nu/eobh
  Replies (13) Good night (3340) Bad night (694)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.

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  (832): I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic. http://tfl.nu/1uqk
  Replies (6) Good night (1385) Bad night (781)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down

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  (860): You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down http://tfl.nu/2dmo
  Replies (4) Good night (761) Bad night (829)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?

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  (479): What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock? http://tfl.nu/qpo9
  Replies (0) Good night (335) Bad night (224)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Is being in jail an excusable absence?

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  (505): Is being in jail an excusable absence? http://tfl.nu/1yic
  Replies (1) Good night (336) Bad night (449)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump

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  (585): Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump http://tfl.nu/n5lk
  Replies (1) Good night (394) Bad night (269)
• Favorite

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.

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  (580): I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman. http://tfl.nu/gkff
  Replies (3) Good night (455) Bad night (227)

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