she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.