Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
