remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Let's get the cat blown out
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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