im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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