I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize