Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
