Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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