So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
