I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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