Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
