i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
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I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
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Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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