And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
