Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
