'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
