At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
