Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
