Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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