bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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